People, Magazines & "The Act" in the Loo

Ever wondered why people take something to read when they go to the loo. OK, going to the loo for a long time that is. Yes I am talking about number 2 here.

I was thinking why do I need to take something to read when I got to go shit. It has just passed on to us from generation to generation and we have taken it quite mindlessly.

If we think about history, what did people use to do when paper was not invented. No readable material. Lets think about this now. I think its all about being distracted from the task at hand. People dont want to think about the act that they are in the process of doing and hence want to think about something else. The easiest could be to take something to read.

Okay so in the earliest of days, people used to do it out in the woods. Out in the open. So there was always nature to look at, be distracted. Lots of people still enjoy doing it in the pre-historic way even today. Its like man connecting with the past, with his truest self.

So when they started writing on leaves and stuff and started thinking about doing it in caves as in somewhere private, I am wondering did they take their leaves with them?

Of course then newspapers were invented and people used to take news into the loo. This worked well until recently when newspapers and the news printed became mundane and the objective of being distracted from the act went away. Taking a newspaper in the loo became more of something to get distracted from the news rather than the other way around.

That's when magazines, novels and comics became in style. Colorful material, mindless comedy. It all works for distraction tactics from the act considered disgusting by most people. Its something people are embarrassed to talk about. I am not one of those people at all, as it might clearly show from this post.

In recent times, with everything changing to electronic, I know people take their mobile phones, ipods, electronic readers and what not with them as something to spend time on. RSS readers in such devices are a great tool used by people.

Ever thought why the English form (left) of the toilet is preferred from the Squat form (right). I'll let you in on the secret. How the hell do you maintain balance while reading a newspaper, magazine or an ipod, smartphone etc? This is not possible on the Squat Form of the toilet.

I have not really been a toilet reader until recently. I used to be somebody who used to enjoy that moment of solitude, think about stuff. I still believe that royal seat is a great place to think about world peace, save the environment, economy and all those big things that politicians debate about in big meetings and conferences with not much success. I think they should all sit in their toilets and think about it there. They would have much more ideas and we would have something more solid come out of meetings similar to the one we had in Copenhagen recently.

Anyway, its only recently that I started taking things I like to read with me. What I have realized was that I am spending much more time than I would do normally before. I mean it used to take about 10-15 minutes and I was done. This of course doesn't apply to the morning visits cos that's when I catch up on sleep sitting on the loo doing nothing. You can actually sleep on the seat and the your body relieving of the unwanted stuff on its own. Its like auto-pilot and works well for me.

But those 10-15 minutes originally have now turned to close to an hour and do you know why? Its because of the reading material I take. See, if you start an article, you got to finish it right? So even if you are done with the main act, you got to sit there a little longer to finish the article or at least reach a logical break. So it can become a cat and mouse chase between an article and what you are doing if you are suffering from lose motions.

You start shitting and when you are done, you are trying to finish a section of the article. Then while you are finishing the article, its starts coming again, so you start another article and so forth. The good thing is that you can't shit forever and its usually the article that wins in the end or other people in the family who have been waiting for you and banging on the door.

Whats your distracting past-time while in "The Act"?

A Thoughtful Afternoon Wait

I think being on Annual Leave is one of the biggest blessings in life. Here is one of those "You Know..." phrases that I came up with,

You know you are on annual leave when you spend an hour at Dunkin Donuts shop waiting for somebody and doing nothing else. Just waiting and nothing else.

I actually did the above and the worst thing was I didn't even order something. That was kinda rude and at a loss for the business as well cos I was occupying a table and 2 chairs at the lunch time rush hour.

This friend of mine who I hadn't met for quite some time had promised we meet over coffee and since being on leave was something only I had, he had the pleasure of getting stuck with his boss for little longer leaving me to suffer.

I wrote "suffer" but while coming up with this post, I realized that if I were in any other situation than being on annual leave, I would have been frustrated, angry and pretty pissed off. The fact that I was on annual leave and pretty much free, I didn't "suffer" at all. I actually enjoyed the extra hour of peace and freedom.

I was sitting at a nice angle, watching the traffic go by. Watching how the Karachi culture has changed so much and where it was now very much acceptable to step outside during lunch hour to have lunch or coffee with somebody from the opposite gender. In our times (not too much in the past), that was an act of much bravery and courage and seen with an eye of judgment by the bystanders.

Anyway, there was a gang of about 15 ladies on the table close to me, all of them obviously housewives guessing by the topics being discussed. Domestic issues and who should get married to whom and the update on latest episodes, from the day before on all the soaps aired on all possible channels.

Then there was stud gang of 5 guys looking like they worked for a bank. Young bankers are quite evident by the way they dress. I think the pants they wear should be called banker pants or something cos they are so unique. Butts sticking out and the rest of the pants sticking tight on the legs. Then those traditional long pointy shoes 99% chance of it being black.

I noticed a group of young college/university guys coming in and snickering at this poor guy (ME) waiting for somebody. Obviously, their level of thought could only take them to think that I was waiting for someone special. I felt like Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail when she waited for NY152 to come meet her as ShopGirl. I was missing the book and the rose but that doesn't matter. How could I tell those youngsters that the person awaited is not even close to what I would call a dream date. No offense mate.

The funny thing was that after 15-20 minutes I saw those teenagers again sneaking around to see, whether the most awaited person of my life had arrived or not. Is she worth waiting for? Is she a celebrity? All this while I was thinking, I wish I were that lucky.

Anyway, to satisfy the Shop Guy who was now giving me the looks, I ordered a coffee as my friend was taking much longer.

I would say doing nothing is quite a blessing if you are able to do it and get away with it. I think I did exactly that on that afternoon. It was a moment of realization as to how busy we have made ourselves. How overly occupied we have become with our lives that spending an hour doing nothing is a moment to celebrate or as the reader would have noticed, come up with a whole blog-post.

My friend arrived and apologized as much as he could and in fact bought me lunch as well. I didn't mind the treat but the truth that he didn't realize was how this was something I was thankful to him. Rather than an apology from him, I should have been the one to get him something for making me realize the value of freedom and how we don't have it anymore. How we have become slaves to our very own lives in pursuit of our dreams, a good life for our family, responsibilities and what not.

Are we really free as we claim to be? That is definitely something to ponder upon.

A Walk to Remember

It was a hardly a 5-minute walk but it was one to remember as it left me in a long chain of thoughts.

The weather entering its winter-bests. Nice sunshine, enough to create shadows and absolutely beautiful as long as you try to not look at it. The soft cold breeze hitting us and sending a slight chill through the body. I was walking with my daughter following me.

I was noticing her as she was not enjoying the sun hitting her eyes. She unconsciously stepped at an angle behind me. An angle that brought her right into my shadow, taking her away from the sun in her eyes. An angle that could have been painted by an artist. Where is a sasta (cheap :P) artist when you need him.

A moment of pride for the dad. That's the role I would aspire to play. Be the shadow which keeps my family away from the sun. Be the feeling of protection.

The other aspect on a different line of the same thought was my daughter finding her way in my shadow. Moving on the same path that I tread and yet trying to sneak out to enjoy the sun for a while as well. I would not want my children to follow exactly my life. They should take the good things I learnt, avoid the mistakes I made and be brave enough to step out in the sun themselves and "try life" on their own as well.

We reached a place where we had to go over a tape into the parking lot. I got clear instructions from the little one. Baba, I'll go under and you go from the other side. Baba can't go under. I realized no matter how young one is, once he has a generation under him, he will be treated with a little bit of "buzurgi" (respect for the elderly).

While walking towards the car, she refused to hold my hand and I couldn't stop smiling as I walked ahead and then... I heard a fall. Then a soft to loud shriek of pain.  My daughter had slipped and had fallen. She was obviously waiting for Baba to come and pick her up. I did the same as expected and felt a bit wanted as well. It was difficult to see her tell me earlier that she doesn't need my hand to hold anymore. Its a mixed feeling when your child tells you that.

Anyway, a bit of story-telling and taking mind off the fall worked and we were driving ahead, back on track. However, during these last 5 minutes I entered yet another stage in life where I have mixed feelings.

I have to learn to grow out of this. I have got to prepare from now so that I am strong enough to let go of them when the time comes.

Once upon a Poet ... again... :P

Continuing from the previous post with the same topic, I found one more piece of my poetry which I really like myself also. Enjoy.

Khwahish
Falak pay pichlee raat toota jo ek taara
Mein nay nikaal liya apni khwahishaat ka paara
Khuda ko bhee meri taqdeer par reham aagaya
Shayed nazar aaya uss mein naam tumhara hee tumhara